Go On Without Me

Yesterday evening, I was overcome with a bit of sadness due to a recent flow of events and worries eating away at my happiness. Worrying over the worries of others, especially loved ones, is the mark of a cycle of worrying that just deepens and deepens. I thought that I wouldn’t go to bed and that instead, I’d stay up even though I was tired and force myself to do something creative. I ended up installing a piece of software for Mageia 5, the operating system I’m currently using on my newer laptop (I have two because my old one broke but I’ve since fixed it) called OpenShot. I’ve made some videos, nothing too special though. I’m still in the process of uploading Origa’s first album which is self titled, that was released in 1994. I really like her music, even though I don’t understand it at first because it’s in Russian. The sound of her music is very beautiful and sweet, sentimental and emotional, what I look for in music – so it reminds me of someone special. After researching the lyrics in English, it seems as if my intuition made me like the music – the lyrics are also as beautiful as the sound. I often wish that English music could be more like this but a lot of it seems ‘mass produced’.

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Olga Yakovleva, “Origa” – Rest in Peace †

Her music was first made known to me when I was watching the anime “Ghost in the Shell” – which is the second anime I’ve really paid attention to. Forever I’ve been a Japanophile as I think they’re known, someone who loves Japan. The culture, the food, the place, the history. Though, I wouldn’t say I particularly love anime. Although I have a great interest in manga and anime as a concept, I would not say that my life revolves around it. Compared to peers, I’ve barely scratched the surface of anime. I am collecting a specific manga series called “The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan” which is a spinoff of the anime “The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya” and its film follow-up “The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya” There is something about the Haruhi Suzumiya franchise that isn’t quite like anything else – which is why I love it so much!

Spoiler: Haruhi is God.

Anyway, after starting to upload some of the songs I realised how much the titles of the songs in that specific album remind me of Alicja, my girlfriend. With titles like “I will give you music” as well as “Blue eyes” and “It is difficult for me, without you” it really hit home. I miss her and I know she misses me as well which, on top of everything else, drives both of our hearts sore. I don’t want anything for Christmas, really, and I know it’s random to say that right now, but I wish I could make her worries and her pain go. That’d be a gift I’d never be tired of. That would be a true gift. I’m not really bothered about receiving anything material, in fact I’m disillusioned with the whole thing. It’s for children.

I got a track stuck in my head, which is the Route 113 theme from Pokemon Sapphire/Ruby/Emerald/-insert semi precious stone here-, the third generation, which I always liked best. You can listen to Route 113 by clicking here. On my laptop, I could run Fruity Loops 11 (which I pirated) on a 64-bit Windows XP Professional (the copy of which is also pirated) virtualbox to open a MIDI file for the track that I downloaded (so I pirated the notes as well). I felt like playing around with it to be honest, I wouldn’t take a MIDI file and then edit it slightly, passing it off as my own. Adding different effects, changing slight things about the melodies and the tempo, I finished it very early this morning and rendered it to a 320kbps MP3 file, that I uploaded to SoundCloud earlier today. I named it “Go On Without Me” but that’s not a romantic cliché, or something like that. The track made me think of a man and his son, with an admirable bond – speculating about how, one day, they would travel the seas in a sailboat. However, by the time they got the boat, the man had become old and decrepit and couldn’t possibly sail so the son, now grown up, goes alone in his name, to fulfill his and his fathers dream. Alicja told me to write short story about it, I was thinking of it before. Thing is, I start too many things and never finish them, I need to break out of that habit and be more productive! Go On Without Me – SoundCloud

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